How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
