Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Randomize
