omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
why does every cop we meet know your name?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
