Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
