wrigley field is MILF paradise
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
