I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize