if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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