i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
they need to just BURY HIM!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize