I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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