My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
