he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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