We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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