I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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