just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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