Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
