tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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