stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
