is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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