Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
