mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
