And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize