Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
