this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
