I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
