I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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