you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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