What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
