We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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