After last night, I could never be a politician.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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