im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
