this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
