I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
