i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
