apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize