I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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