..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
