Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
