Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
