Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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