After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
