ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize