We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
