We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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