Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
should my penis look like a turkey
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
