***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
