I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
