dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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