Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
