my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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