Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
