Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
