Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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