i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
