i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
