He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
