Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
