woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
