nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize