i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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