i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
