you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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