At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
