You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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