Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
