Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
