Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
