dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am spending my child support on dildos
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
