The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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