I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
