If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
