So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
