; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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