Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
